What I know as truth

For 5 years before I had kids I was caffeine free. I felt great and lost a ton of weight. Since then my caffeine intake has escalated to the point that it is causing me to ride an energy roller coaster. I've also had a lot of anxiety over the last year or so to the point that I reached out for meds to help with it. The meds make me feel even worse so I don't take them. Instead I started researching and looking for patterns. Because of pregnancy I also started using Splenda since sweet-n-low is a pregnancy no-no. I decided a week ago to cut out Splenda completely and Reduce my caffeine to 1 cup of coffee a day. The change is incredible. In just one week I feel calmer, my mind is clearer, I'm sleeping better, and my energy level is up. Friday I stupidly grabbed a soda at lunch, just a small bottle, and I felt awful all afternoon from the caffeine yo-yo. I'm starting smoothie breakfasts this week. And I'm ok with the fact that I gained back the ten pounds I lost the last couple months. I turn 40 in 6 days. It is what it is at this point.

As Dory says...

Just keep on swimming, keep on swimming, swimming, swimming. I gain 3, I lose 4, I gain 4, I lose 3. It is a frustrating cycle. I'm walking 4-5 nights a week. I'm watching my food. I have nothing to blame it on. I highly doubt I will make my goal by 40 but that's ok. My real goal is to be healthy and active and have healthy and active kids. Day before day I strive to reach that goal.

Step by step

5 out of 7 days last week I walked at least 30 minutes a day and most days I hit 10,000 steps. This morning I weighed and I was lower than I've been in 4 years!!! 181.4 pounds. Thank you Fitbit zip for motivating me. My goal each day is to get 10,000 steps and 30 active minutes. I don't hit my goal every day but I strive for it. My kids ask to walk in circles (walking laps in the house) and it makes me happy. They even get excited when I go upstairs to exercise on the treadmill. I used to think I needed to wait until they were asleep to exercise but I see now how important it is for them to see me exercising. They need to see mom and dad active and eating well.

I did it!

I walked 10,000 steps today!!! And more than just the steps, I'm proud of myself for walking on the treadmill. That's huge for me. 

A new low

I hit a new low yesterday...not lowest weight...the other kind of low... I hit bottom AGAIN. I ordered a frosted lemonade at chikfila because my sis said it was awesome. I forgot to order it with diet lemonade, it didn't taste good, and I drank the whole thing anyways. Seriously? 330 pointless calories. 

Yesterday I was talking with Teri at work who is early 50's. She told me the best advice she'd gotten to maintain weight was to eat 1% less for every year you are over 30. This is to maintain, not lose. This requires math that is too strenuous for this early in the day but I'm going to calculate this and see if I think it will help.

I put my shoes on to walk on the treadmill this morning and Phil immediately started in about how I need to walk fast and sweat and get my heart rate up. I immediately shut him down. Right now I just need to move my body. The rest will come but if I feel defeated before I even start I will never start. This is my journey.

The not-so-skinny of it

I'm a stress eater. I can't pass up a cookie/cake/donut if my life depends on it. I can justify my need for that bad food item easily. I don't exercise. It has to stop. There are few things in life we can truly control but our decisions are one of them. I need to choose to say no! I've lost some but not enough. 40 will be here before I know it. 

Goals:

1. Stick to my "mock nutrisystem" plan.

2. Walk 10,000 steps (I bought a Fitbit zip)

3. Drink half my body weight in water.

4. Go to bed earlier....this has gotten out of hand.

5. Paint

Struggling

I'm struggling. I've gained 4 lbs this week. How is that? Gotta get ultra focused. We ate out a couple times last weekend and we also ate real food for dinner more this week than in the last month. I ordered a Fitbit zip and will institute some sort of exercise routine but not sure what. I'm disappointed in this set back.

Update

182.2 today....0.2 away from my lowest in 3 years. 8.8 lbs in 3 weeks with no exercise (I'm not bragging...just stating facts). I know for health reasons I've got to start walking. I think that will be a June goal I set. But for now I'm just so happy to have found the easiest meal plan I've discovered yet that actually is causing results and taking no extra time.  I'm not hungry, my cravings have gone away, I can still eat out, I don't feel deprived at ALL, and best of all I don't think about food anymore. Hubby is also the lowest he's been in a long time. 

3 weeks

So I agreed to 3 weeks on my mock nutrisystem to see if I could lose weight. 3 weeks and zero exercise later, I'm down 5 pounds. I haven't been hungry. I'm eating real food along with and sometimes in place of the prepared meals. I have noticed my cravings strongly reduced, my stomach is flatter, and my moods more stable. 18 more pounds to go in 20 weeks.

Weight update

2.8 lbs down in two weeks. It's been more, it's been less. I trying to just weigh on Fridays so I don't get discouraged by lower numbers during the week. Friday's have been my most consistent weigh day. I will share more later about the journey but wanted to post results ASAP.

New revolations

I exercised for a week....and then life happened. I stopped eating dessert....and then life happened. I religiously tracked my calories....and then life happened. Life happening so much has created an anger inside of me that has motivated me to try one more time. I thought long and hard about this one more time....about this last attempt that either works and I lose weight or I resign the fact that I'm just going to be fat at forty. Phil has been suggesting Nutrisystem for awhile. I'm always skeptical of things that don't allow you to eat real food. But I'm desperate so I began to research. What I found was that Nutrisystem is just like Weight Watchers except they make the entree for you. Oh, did I mention that with my new job we rush home and then scramble to get dinner on the table? Did I mention how nice it would be to not have to think about dinner? So, Nutrisytem would actually cater to that. Ok, so, I research and research and research some more and can't figure out what the difference between Nutrisystem meals and Lean Cuisines...oh, except for price. So much cheaper to eat Lean Cuisines (or similar low calorie, high sodium processed meal). Now, before you start harping about healthiest of these meals, let me just say that I get it. I'd love to be able to do this by just tracking food, eating healthy, and exercising but what I've realized is that those things are just impossible right now with two toddlers, an hour commute, and an intense job. But what can happen is not thinking about what I'm going to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. With this plan, all I have to do is nook a bag of veggies to go with dinner and pack a couple snacks with my lunch. And I'm not paying a dime in upcharges because you can basically find Nutrisystem's entire plan online from people who have posted pics of the plan you receive after you order. Not to mention Nutrisystem themselves give out a ton of info on their website. This is doable. The only thing I'm changing is that I will be eating store bought frozen meals and not eating a frozen meal breakfast. I've discovered PB2....what a great way to enjoy peanut butter without the calories and fat. I've been trying to enjoy overnight oatmeal but just couldn't find a combination that tasted good....until now. Oats + PB2 chocolate + almond milk + splenda + banana = heaven! This will be my daily breakfast. It actually meshes with the breakfast plan for Nutrisystem so I'm rolling with it.

Today I weighed 190 and I have 23 weeks until I turn 40. I have exactly 23 pounds to lose to get to my pre-baby weight although I'm setting my goal at 30 pounds. I'm going to give my "do it myself" plan 3 weeks and if it doesn't work, I'm going to actually pay for the nutrisystem foods.

I will weigh again on Friday. I like Friday weigh days because I'm usually pretty strict during the week. Cross your fingers!

Not giving up

I tracked all week. At points I was down by 2+ pounds. Today I'm up above where I started. I'm beginning to realize two things....I make bad choices and I eat when I'm not hungry....those are my goals for improvement for the week. 

The shift

I got angry enough at the scale this weekend to change my attitude. I can feel the shift. I knew I needed a breaking point and this weekend I hit it. Today I passed up dunkin donuts. Today I felt hungry and that was ok. Today I charted all my food. Today I had willpower. I found a new app for food tracking....myplate. I like it better than myfitnesspal. It is more visual and my weight is staring me in the face every time I open it. I'm not stressing about exercise. I'm going to focus on food. And when I want to eat more I will get my ass in gear and exercise. And thankfully the sun came out today....both in reality and metaphorically.

My obstacles

I'm not doing well with this weight loss thing. I've got a lot of obstacles (I know, I know, no excuses...but they feel real to me). I was talking to my boss about needing to figure out how to exercise with no time and she asked if maybe Philip could take the kids to school so I could exercise in the morning. Well, for many reasons, that doesn't solve the problem which I immediately said because of course there is always an excuse why I can't exercise. But what our conversation did for me was make me start thinking about my excuses. I have a lot of excuses but the only real one is that I don't like my schedule to change. I like my schedule to stay the same and now that I've adapted to my new job schedule, I don't want to change again. So, realizing that makes me see that I just need to set exercise in my new schedule and make that a part of it. But, that means confronting my real obstacles.

1. long commute - I have a 45 minute commute each way without even including the time I need to drop the boys. So, about an hour commute on a normal traffic day. Solution - no one yells at me if I'm late for work
2. time - well, I'm sitting blogging when i could be walking. I get an hour lunch even though I rarely take it. I used to get up at 5:00 every morning but now can't seem to wake up before 5:30.
3. kids - this is a very real obstacle however for a week I was able to walk at 5:00 even with Mathew going upstairs with me. I like my kids to eat breakfast at school so I need them at school before 7:30. Solution: If we left the house at 7:00 then I'd probably be able to make it to work by 8.
4. me - I'm the true obstacle. i want this weight loss thing to be easy but it's never been easy. Yes, when I could structure my life to fit my needs (single, no kids) it was easier but I'm not trading my kids and hubby for skinniness so I've got to figure it out. My new favorite managerial quote "attitude over ability". As a manager I'd rather have an employee with a good attitude even if they don't have ability. I can teach ability but I can't change attitude....only the employee can change attitude. I have to change my attitude and quit using my real obstacles as excuses and instead finding little opportunities to do what i need to do for me.

Week 2....oh, well....

I can't believe I've lost it all on just Week 2. I want to blame it on other things but I've no one to blame it on but myself.....

Goal 1: Walk at least 20 minutes a day.
      ***I didn't walk at all. :( I just could not make myself get up and walk. The kids kept getting up in the middle of the night....4 nights in a row....I used that to justify my extra 30 minutes of sleep. I did take a long walk with the boys today but I have to do better.

Goal 2: Snack on fruits and vegetables.
      ***I can't say I totally failed on this one. We made a bunch of granola bars last weekend so even though I wasn't snacking on a ton of fruits and veggies, I made some healthy snack choices.

Goal 3: Eat every 3 hours.
     ***I did consciously do this on the days I was at work. The couple snow days I just ate basically all day. Not good!

Goal 4: No evening sweet fix.
     ***Girl Scout cookies EVERY night. 150 extra unnecessary calories every night.

Goal 5: Drink 8 glasses of water
    ***I still struggle with this but I'm trying to consciously drink water. I drank way too much caffeine this week.

I'm ready for Spring. I want to walk outside. I truly struggle with the walking on the treadmill. I started only allowing myself to read while on the treadmill but then the book got the best of me and I had to finish it. I have no self control. That is my main problem. I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

Oh, and no weight update....my scale broke...it really did...that is not an excuse...LOL

Week 1

Week 1 was easier than I thought it would be. Just from the small changes I've made, I've started to feel different. My body feels lighter somehow. I did lose 1.5 pounds so at least I'm trending ahead.

Goal 1: Walk at least 20 minutes a day.
      ***I walked every day. Today I didn't get up and walk as I had to be at work super early but I walked all over campus today and because it was friggin' cold, I power walked. I'm counting that. I have felt really good after each walk even if it is a bear to get up each morning.

Goal 2: Snack on fruits and vegetables.
      ***I've done better with this. I'm still eating a lot of granola bars for snack too but I did take bagged veggies a few days and ate salads for lunch (and sometimes dinner) every day except Friday.

Goal 3: Eat every 3 hours.
     ***I also did better with this. I tried to make sure I ate at 9a which is about 3 hours after breakfast, again at 12, but then I struggle with the afternoon snack. I'm usually just so busy and still full from lunch that I don't remember.

Goal 4: No evening sweet fix.
     ***I didn't eat a single evening sweet treat until tonight and I treated myself with girl scout cookies I bought at Kroger. I haven't missed the treats at all but have noticed I wake up with my stomach growling.

Goal 5: Drink 8 glasses of water
    ***This was my big fail this week. I was doing great drinking at least 6 cups at work and another 2 with dinner but then the water main broke at work and the water looks funny so we are all avoiding it. I will have to assess the situation on Monday and possibly buy bottled water. I am horrible about drinking enough water while at home. I do know though that I'm so much more mentally clear when I drink 8 glasses or more a day.



Weight tracker:

2/21  189
2/28  187.5

And, we begin again...

A friend of mine is tracking her weight loss toward a 40th birthday trip she's taking. That kind of motivated me to start tracking. I've gained at least 5 pounds since leaving teaching. now that I'm not moving constantly all day, I guess I'm not burning as much as I'm eating. I do think I'm actually eating less though as I'm not snacking as much. That might be the problem though is that I used to have a snack about every 2-3 hours at school. Now I'm so busy that some days I look up and it is lunch time. I think he eating small meals works better for me.

So I have exactly 31 weeks until I turn 40. I only have about 20 pounds to lose so that is completely doable! More than doable if I put my mind to it. And if my goal is 1 pound per week, even if I have a bad week, I should reach that goal. So now I just have to figure out how to do it. Tracking my food just doesn't work for me at the moment. I tried it last week and I sort of did it for a day but not the way I needed to so I know I won't be able to keep up. So I think instead I'm just going to set goals for myself that set up a healthy lifestyle but still fit within the craziness of my life.

Goal 1: Walk at least 20 minutes a day.
Goal 2: Snack on fruits and vegetables.
Goal 3: Eat every 3 hours.
Goal 4: No evening sweet fix.
Goal 5: Drink 8 glasses of water

Doable! Doable! Doable!

Goal weight:  167 (my pre-baby weight)

Weight tracker:

2/21 189