My first gold stars

So as I sit here eating popcorn after I had a fatty hamburger for lunch and gained a pound and a half after 2 days at my mom's house, I do not get a gold star on the health management goal. BUT, I do get 2 gold stars on the anxiety and envy goals. Two of my great fears have been dealing with my kids overnight at someone else's house and having to stop in a strange place with both boys to use the bathroom. Both fears were faced this weekend and my anxiety level has been greatly reduced.

We went to my mom's house to try the spend the night thing. I want so much for my boys to be able to go spend weekends at her house to not only give us a kid free weekend (envy!) but to also give her some alone time with the boys. I realize the kid free weekend may be down the road a bit but we have to get used to staying and functioning at Mimi's house before we get there. Another reason this was an important step was that I have dear friends who live out of town. One of my closest friends just lives 4 hours away. We have stair step kids. 3.5, 2.5, 1.5, and almost 1. Plus, for now, she is a teacher too so visiting on school breaks would be wonderful. I'd really like to try our first trip to Nashville this summer. The night at Mimi's house went so well. Both boys crashed without complaining. Both woke up happy and didn't want to leave when it was time to go.

My second gold star came when Mathew started crying on the drive home. He had to go potty. I tried to blow it off and he forgot for a little bit but then started crying again. I decided to stop. We were only 30 minutes from home and he had a pull-up on but I knew this was something I had to do more for myself than him. I told him he'd have to walk because I had to carry Michael and for him to stay close so the cars didn't get him (I'm sure he will be on xanax by age 10....he kept telling the trucks not to get him). But he stayed by my side and we successfully used the nasty bathroom and purchased milk and a soda. He showed the guy in line behind us his sandals and his George. We have to work on stranger-danger a little bit.

I feel so much better after this weekend. I'm sure the extra vitamin D helped too.

Step One

Step One: Figure out the things that are keeping form optimum happiness.

So I don't want a lot of crazy rules but I do need to identify the things that are causing me to be half empty instead of half full.

1. Envy: I envy everyone who can go to the store easily by themselves. I envy people who can go on vacations. I envy people who can lay in bed all day and read. I envy people who can go out to eat in restaurants without having to take a zanax first. I envy people who spaced their kids births. I envy people with no kids. I envy people who socialize. I envy people who have family in town who routinely help with their kids. I envy people who have their kids in cheap daycares. I envy people who have kid free weekends. I envy people who enjoy staying home with their kids. I envy people who can run. I envy people who socialize regularly with friends.

2. Anxiety: I have anxiety about everything related to my kids. But mostly it focuses around two categories: parenting skills and leaving the house

3. Lack of Friends: I've been so busy raising kids that I've lost touch with my friends. I need friends like plants need water.

4. Lack of Me Time: I'm never alone in the house....EVER! And it seems that even when I get a vacation from school, a kid gets sick so I'm still not at home alone. But I can deal with this issue if I just had time to do the things I WANT to do and not the things I NEED to do. I need to be able to be alone and not just at Target in those minutes between school getting out and picking up the kids.

5. My health: I have pounds to lose. 15 to be exact. I have a really need and desire to become healthy, not just thin.

I'm sure there are more I will come up with as I flesh these four out but we will start there. These are 5 I think I can tackle in 9 weeks.

The What and The Why

"The Zentangle Method is an easy-to-learn, relaxing, and fun way to create beautiful images by drawing structured patterns.

Almost anyone can use it to create beautiful images. It increases focus and creativity, provides artistic satisfaction along with an increased sense of personal well being. The Zentangle Method is enjoyed all over this world across a wide range of skills, interests and ages.

We believe that life is an art form and that our Zentangle Method is an elegant metaphor for deliberate artistry in life." (zentangle.com)

Obviously, I didn't come up with the above statement myself but I also could not have written it any better. I want to apply this zentangle method to my pursuit of personal happiness. So, what's the first step? Start a new blog. I'm a visual learner, so blogging always helps me "see" the things i need to do.

The thing is...I'm not unhappy. But there are patterns that I've created in my life that aren't positive and aren't contributing to my overall well-being. I'm focusing more on the things I don't have than the things I do have. i'm talking (or rather complaining) about the things I don't have but I'm not doing anything to get those things. And, in the meantime, I'm missing out on the things I do have. I spend far too much time feeling sorry for myself instead of focusing on the things in my life that are worth focusing on. 

So, I've decided to begin a Happiness Project. And as per the above definition, create deliberate patterns that will lead me to the well-being I'm looking for. Interestingly, I've been thinking about this for quite some time. I've known I need to make changes but I wasn't quite sure how to begin. I knew I wanted a blog. That part was easy. Blogging is therapeutic. But I was still looking for structure. While at Target one day looking for my next book to read, i ran across Gretchen Rubin's The Happiness Project. I skimmed through a bit and realized that this would at least be a great start. Little did I know that I would be reading a book about myself. I often feel so alone in my thoughts but to find that someone else had my same thoughts and same stresses and same desires.....it was empowering to say the least. I'm only half way through with the book as I begin this blog but that is mainly because I read a chapter or two and I then need to really meditate on the information. I don't have a year to take off of life to focus solely on researching happiness as she did. I don't need to label things as much as she did and create as many rules. I just want to apply some of her principles and some new principles I come up with. I want to just create patterns and routines that are going to be more positive and lead to a greater sense of well-being.  I also know that if I gave myself a whole year, nothing would get done. I work better on tight deadlines. And I work way better the closer I get to that deadline. So, I'm giving myself 9 weeks. Not necessary to achieve incredible happiness and well-being, but 9 weeks to see a significant change in how I approach life and all that life seems to bring with it. 

I value comments so please feel free to comment and share your thoughts on your own happiness journey and/or comments on mine.