Oh My!

I gained 3 pounds this week. I've been logging food religiously for 3 weeks now. I've exercised at least 6 days a week. I lost half a pound last week and then gained 3 pounds this week. I want to blame it on Aunt Flo but my usual is to gain the week before and lose the week of. I figured that was why I lost only half a pound last week. So, this week I think I'm going to try just paying attention to my hunger and to make good choices. I'm also going to eat smaller meals every 2-3 hours. I was losing weight like crazy the couple weeks before school let out and basically I was eating after every class so I want to see if that had anything to do with it. I'm about ready to say "this is my normal weight" and just maintain my weight and size. But to be honest, I really want to comfortably get back into my 12's. That's been my goal since I got pregnant with Mathew and I really want to be there  again.

I've started thinking about the school year and how I can keep up with my walking and possibly add other things. I usually stay at school just because I'm too lazy to go home and then go back out to get the boys. But that also means I'm never at home by myself. This has been a real mental/emotional problem for me. So this year I think that on Monday, Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm going to leave school by 3p and go home and walk or do yoga or work in my studio. Depending on how things go, I may even be able to drop the boys and Phil pick them up which will solve my going back out dilemma. But either way, I need at home time. That will still give me half an hour at school to clean up or make copies or whatever else I need to do before the next day. I am committing though to keeping up with my walking, even if it means walking after the boys go to bed. That's an option too.

I figured it out!

I figured out how to be happy! Or rather I figured out what the rest of the world probably already knew. See I assumed truly happy people were always happy....that life always functioned properly for them....that they never felt down. It never occurred to me that maybe these people weren't always happy but chose to focus on the good moments and  deal with the bad moments in a more positive way, or at least deal with and then let go of the bad moments. So, I started trying to turn the bad moments into good moments. If Mathew started to melt down, I started to dance with him. If Michael started to whine, I tickled him. It works most of the time and most of the time is pretty good to me. I do a lot of this when I'm home alone with the boys. Philip hasn't been around for a lot of it. Yesterday I was doing something goofy with the boys and Philip looked at me in a funny way and I made a comment about him not used to seeing happiness. My secret goal is to rub off on him. Philip is a half empty kind of person. I've also noticed that most truly happy people are half full kind of people. I want to be a half full kind of person and most times I am. But the more you are around half empty kinds of people, they tend to rub off on you.

My next goal is to nag less. I changed my behavior with the boys and now I need to change it with Phil. Often we are too short with each other or to quick to criticize. I'm so very much passionately in love with my husband but often the first words out of my mouth have something to do with something he hasn't done or something I feel I need to remind him about. I don't want my kids to grow up listening to us nag each other. I want my kids to see passion in our eyes when we look at each other. I want them to hear us laugh together. And when we fight, I want them to hear us fight fair.