My children and my happiness

My Mathew is a needy child. I don't know if it is because he was a preemie or that we exuded a lot of anxiety in his early months. It may be because he became a brother when he was 10 months old. Maybe I just haven't nipped the needy behaviors before they got out of hand. Whatever the case, it is draining and I struggle to enjoy him. Michael on the other hand is a wealthy of joy. He's laid back and goofy and curious. He has dimples for miles. I can run around with him all day and he just goes with the flow. Did I do something different with him than with Mathew or is it just his personality? Either way I enjoy him and I don't enjoy Mathew and I hate that. It causes guilt and resentment and it has to stop. I've started, just this week, a couple things to try to stop some of Mathew's less desirable behaviors. He has a habit of whining for me to hold him and it grates on my nerves so bad that I usually just give in and pick him up. After an entire day of listening to kids gripe, I often have no more tolerance for it by the time I get home. Now that I don't listen to kids gripe all day because it is summer vacation, I have a little more tolerance for the lengthy process of ignoring him. But instead of just ignoring him, I told him that he has to say "please" and in a nice way, not a whiney way in order for me to pick him up. It is working. I now give him a funny look when he starts whining and he starts laughing and says "please".  And sometimes I ask him "please what?" and he responds "I want my mommy".  I truly don't mind holding him....I enjoy it the times I'm not doing it just to shut him up. So now that he is saying "please" instead of whining, it creates an enjoyable cuddle time. The total transition is going to take baby steps but I think we will get there by the end of the summer. I'm also working on doing "time out" with the boys. I've started doing 1 minute just to test it and to introduce the language. I need to get a timer this weekend and then we will go full force.

I've conquered my anxiety even more this week by taking the boys to the splash park. I did have a friend with me which helps with an extra set of eyes but I think we did well in such a public place. We are going to try story time soon.

I have dreams of fun summers and fun trips to visit my friends who live in far off places and the only way we will get there is keep trying new things!