So my post about envy today isn't quite what you would think of as far as envy goes. I didn't envy anyone but instead was more in awe. I think envy and awe are different. Envy is a want and awe comes with a jolt of respect. We went to the zoo today (yay! tackled you anxiety!) and while waiting for the sea lion show to begin, I was watching a couple with 4 kids, all girls. The oldest was about 5 or 6, then there was a 3 or 4 year old, and then twins who could not have been more than 3 months old. The dad was very muscular and you could tell he spent time in the gym. The mom didn't look like she'd ever had even 1 kid much less 4. They were each calmly feeding one of the twins while the other two girls ate a snack. They looked, no, they WERE calm. After feeding the baby that the dad had, he put her in the carrier and went and got himself something to eat (he took the carrier with him). You could tell they'd done this before. They had two double strollers packed to the brim with all the things they needed. As I watched them, I didn't envy them....I was in awe of them. Is it an innate personality trait that makes one calm in a situation that could easily turn bad at any moment? I, on the other hand, was constantly scanning my kids...who was going to bolt first....who was going to have a meltdown first....would we last until the show even began....and on and on and on with the uneasy silent questions. And the truth was that we only last for 5 minutes of the show. My kids didn't understand because I hadn't exposed them to that situation. Exposure. Exposure leads to familiarity. While at the zoo, Mathew willingly fed the giraffe even though when we tried to feed the giraffes in Tupelo, he wanted nothing to do with it. He was exposed therefore he knew what to expect. I've now been exposed to the zoo with my kids, so I know what to expect. I know Mathew is going to want to walk in his oh so slow pace the whole time. I know that my kids lasted about 2 hours so I need to not try to stay longer than that at this point. I know that Mathew listened well and stayed close to us. If he began to wander from us all we had to do was say his name and he came right away. My anxiety will be lessened with more exposure therefore I must expose myself (and my children) to more things. Lessen noted.
I ate like a pig today, didn't journal (YET!), but did walk and do my ab challenge. I keep gaining weight. I'm back almost where I started in March. I hate this. Two things I'm noting for next summer...I need to join the Y so I have zumba and I need to start journaling food from day 1 of summer vacation.
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