The shift

I got angry enough at the scale this weekend to change my attitude. I can feel the shift. I knew I needed a breaking point and this weekend I hit it. Today I passed up dunkin donuts. Today I felt hungry and that was ok. Today I charted all my food. Today I had willpower. I found a new app for food tracking....myplate. I like it better than myfitnesspal. It is more visual and my weight is staring me in the face every time I open it. I'm not stressing about exercise. I'm going to focus on food. And when I want to eat more I will get my ass in gear and exercise. And thankfully the sun came out today....both in reality and metaphorically.

My obstacles

I'm not doing well with this weight loss thing. I've got a lot of obstacles (I know, I know, no excuses...but they feel real to me). I was talking to my boss about needing to figure out how to exercise with no time and she asked if maybe Philip could take the kids to school so I could exercise in the morning. Well, for many reasons, that doesn't solve the problem which I immediately said because of course there is always an excuse why I can't exercise. But what our conversation did for me was make me start thinking about my excuses. I have a lot of excuses but the only real one is that I don't like my schedule to change. I like my schedule to stay the same and now that I've adapted to my new job schedule, I don't want to change again. So, realizing that makes me see that I just need to set exercise in my new schedule and make that a part of it. But, that means confronting my real obstacles.

1. long commute - I have a 45 minute commute each way without even including the time I need to drop the boys. So, about an hour commute on a normal traffic day. Solution - no one yells at me if I'm late for work
2. time - well, I'm sitting blogging when i could be walking. I get an hour lunch even though I rarely take it. I used to get up at 5:00 every morning but now can't seem to wake up before 5:30.
3. kids - this is a very real obstacle however for a week I was able to walk at 5:00 even with Mathew going upstairs with me. I like my kids to eat breakfast at school so I need them at school before 7:30. Solution: If we left the house at 7:00 then I'd probably be able to make it to work by 8.
4. me - I'm the true obstacle. i want this weight loss thing to be easy but it's never been easy. Yes, when I could structure my life to fit my needs (single, no kids) it was easier but I'm not trading my kids and hubby for skinniness so I've got to figure it out. My new favorite managerial quote "attitude over ability". As a manager I'd rather have an employee with a good attitude even if they don't have ability. I can teach ability but I can't change attitude....only the employee can change attitude. I have to change my attitude and quit using my real obstacles as excuses and instead finding little opportunities to do what i need to do for me.

Week 2....oh, well....

I can't believe I've lost it all on just Week 2. I want to blame it on other things but I've no one to blame it on but myself.....

Goal 1: Walk at least 20 minutes a day.
      ***I didn't walk at all. :( I just could not make myself get up and walk. The kids kept getting up in the middle of the night....4 nights in a row....I used that to justify my extra 30 minutes of sleep. I did take a long walk with the boys today but I have to do better.

Goal 2: Snack on fruits and vegetables.
      ***I can't say I totally failed on this one. We made a bunch of granola bars last weekend so even though I wasn't snacking on a ton of fruits and veggies, I made some healthy snack choices.

Goal 3: Eat every 3 hours.
     ***I did consciously do this on the days I was at work. The couple snow days I just ate basically all day. Not good!

Goal 4: No evening sweet fix.
     ***Girl Scout cookies EVERY night. 150 extra unnecessary calories every night.

Goal 5: Drink 8 glasses of water
    ***I still struggle with this but I'm trying to consciously drink water. I drank way too much caffeine this week.

I'm ready for Spring. I want to walk outside. I truly struggle with the walking on the treadmill. I started only allowing myself to read while on the treadmill but then the book got the best of me and I had to finish it. I have no self control. That is my main problem. I HAVE NO SELF CONTROL.

Oh, and no weight update....my scale broke...it really did...that is not an excuse...LOL

Week 1

Week 1 was easier than I thought it would be. Just from the small changes I've made, I've started to feel different. My body feels lighter somehow. I did lose 1.5 pounds so at least I'm trending ahead.

Goal 1: Walk at least 20 minutes a day.
      ***I walked every day. Today I didn't get up and walk as I had to be at work super early but I walked all over campus today and because it was friggin' cold, I power walked. I'm counting that. I have felt really good after each walk even if it is a bear to get up each morning.

Goal 2: Snack on fruits and vegetables.
      ***I've done better with this. I'm still eating a lot of granola bars for snack too but I did take bagged veggies a few days and ate salads for lunch (and sometimes dinner) every day except Friday.

Goal 3: Eat every 3 hours.
     ***I also did better with this. I tried to make sure I ate at 9a which is about 3 hours after breakfast, again at 12, but then I struggle with the afternoon snack. I'm usually just so busy and still full from lunch that I don't remember.

Goal 4: No evening sweet fix.
     ***I didn't eat a single evening sweet treat until tonight and I treated myself with girl scout cookies I bought at Kroger. I haven't missed the treats at all but have noticed I wake up with my stomach growling.

Goal 5: Drink 8 glasses of water
    ***This was my big fail this week. I was doing great drinking at least 6 cups at work and another 2 with dinner but then the water main broke at work and the water looks funny so we are all avoiding it. I will have to assess the situation on Monday and possibly buy bottled water. I am horrible about drinking enough water while at home. I do know though that I'm so much more mentally clear when I drink 8 glasses or more a day.



Weight tracker:

2/21  189
2/28  187.5

And, we begin again...

A friend of mine is tracking her weight loss toward a 40th birthday trip she's taking. That kind of motivated me to start tracking. I've gained at least 5 pounds since leaving teaching. now that I'm not moving constantly all day, I guess I'm not burning as much as I'm eating. I do think I'm actually eating less though as I'm not snacking as much. That might be the problem though is that I used to have a snack about every 2-3 hours at school. Now I'm so busy that some days I look up and it is lunch time. I think he eating small meals works better for me.

So I have exactly 31 weeks until I turn 40. I only have about 20 pounds to lose so that is completely doable! More than doable if I put my mind to it. And if my goal is 1 pound per week, even if I have a bad week, I should reach that goal. So now I just have to figure out how to do it. Tracking my food just doesn't work for me at the moment. I tried it last week and I sort of did it for a day but not the way I needed to so I know I won't be able to keep up. So I think instead I'm just going to set goals for myself that set up a healthy lifestyle but still fit within the craziness of my life.

Goal 1: Walk at least 20 minutes a day.
Goal 2: Snack on fruits and vegetables.
Goal 3: Eat every 3 hours.
Goal 4: No evening sweet fix.
Goal 5: Drink 8 glasses of water

Doable! Doable! Doable!

Goal weight:  167 (my pre-baby weight)

Weight tracker:

2/21 189

Oh My!

I gained 3 pounds this week. I've been logging food religiously for 3 weeks now. I've exercised at least 6 days a week. I lost half a pound last week and then gained 3 pounds this week. I want to blame it on Aunt Flo but my usual is to gain the week before and lose the week of. I figured that was why I lost only half a pound last week. So, this week I think I'm going to try just paying attention to my hunger and to make good choices. I'm also going to eat smaller meals every 2-3 hours. I was losing weight like crazy the couple weeks before school let out and basically I was eating after every class so I want to see if that had anything to do with it. I'm about ready to say "this is my normal weight" and just maintain my weight and size. But to be honest, I really want to comfortably get back into my 12's. That's been my goal since I got pregnant with Mathew and I really want to be there  again.

I've started thinking about the school year and how I can keep up with my walking and possibly add other things. I usually stay at school just because I'm too lazy to go home and then go back out to get the boys. But that also means I'm never at home by myself. This has been a real mental/emotional problem for me. So this year I think that on Monday, Tuesdays and Thursdays I'm going to leave school by 3p and go home and walk or do yoga or work in my studio. Depending on how things go, I may even be able to drop the boys and Phil pick them up which will solve my going back out dilemma. But either way, I need at home time. That will still give me half an hour at school to clean up or make copies or whatever else I need to do before the next day. I am committing though to keeping up with my walking, even if it means walking after the boys go to bed. That's an option too.

I figured it out!

I figured out how to be happy! Or rather I figured out what the rest of the world probably already knew. See I assumed truly happy people were always happy....that life always functioned properly for them....that they never felt down. It never occurred to me that maybe these people weren't always happy but chose to focus on the good moments and  deal with the bad moments in a more positive way, or at least deal with and then let go of the bad moments. So, I started trying to turn the bad moments into good moments. If Mathew started to melt down, I started to dance with him. If Michael started to whine, I tickled him. It works most of the time and most of the time is pretty good to me. I do a lot of this when I'm home alone with the boys. Philip hasn't been around for a lot of it. Yesterday I was doing something goofy with the boys and Philip looked at me in a funny way and I made a comment about him not used to seeing happiness. My secret goal is to rub off on him. Philip is a half empty kind of person. I've also noticed that most truly happy people are half full kind of people. I want to be a half full kind of person and most times I am. But the more you are around half empty kinds of people, they tend to rub off on you.

My next goal is to nag less. I changed my behavior with the boys and now I need to change it with Phil. Often we are too short with each other or to quick to criticize. I'm so very much passionately in love with my husband but often the first words out of my mouth have something to do with something he hasn't done or something I feel I need to remind him about. I don't want my kids to grow up listening to us nag each other. I want my kids to see passion in our eyes when we look at each other. I want them to hear us laugh together. And when we fight, I want them to hear us fight fair.